9:11
I refuse to be second best.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Ten
7:17
It was an interesting weekend.
Friday night, Meg came in from Shreveport. We did a little drinking, went to sundown, and then we decided to go meet up with a friend from Monroe at a gay bar. And yes, there was a drag show at the bar. Our friend had left by the time we got there so we just stayed and enjoyed the queens. My neighbor and a few other Ruston people came to the bar and we closed it down. Fun night.
Saturday, Mom and I went shopping. I got the most adorable pair of boots. I can't wait until Christmas to get them! Oh...but Saturday he texted me. And we, as he put it, "thumb chatted"
I don't understand how someone can hurt you so badly and screw your over so soundly and then have the gall to try to talk to you like nothing ever happened. I am happy now. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. I've got a decent job. I'm not abusing any substances. I've got a good relationship with my family. I've got goals, aspirations even! I really don't get it.
It was somewhat ironic, because the night before I was lying in bed trying to remember his phone number.I tried and tried and tried and I just couldn't recall his dialing digits. I was so thrilled that I honestly couldn't remember it. It felt like the last parts of me that were clinging to the idea of him had finally let go. They finally died.
But no, of course the next morning I wake up to a text message from a number that looked ironically familiar. Of course, after I inquired as to who it was...it was indeed the thief.
And being the non-confrontational human I am, I small-talked. Told him that I was great (which I am) and that my relationship is wonderful (which it is).
Katie and I went to sundown and I met her latest boy-toy. He was alright...not a winner but ok.
I ended up at a friend's house later and lo and behold who was riding up on his bike right as I pulled in the driveway...him. The thumb-chatter. The thief.
So of course, we had to small talk some more. And of course, he kept pretending that nothing had ever happened.
Have you ever wished that someone would just disappear? Not die, just never be seen or thought of again. I wish that aliens would abduct him. Or that he would move ten-thousand miles away and not tell me. I just wish that he would hide in a hole and never try to talk or think of me again. I don't want him. He disgusts me. When you love someone for so long and they hurt you over and over again, one day you just have to say enough is enough. You have to say that you're tired of being used. Tired of being abused. I endured years of his abuse and I won't do it any longer. I'm in the best place in my life that I have ever been and it's only getting better. Every day with Casey I fall deeper and deeper in love with him. He is the greatest man I have ever known. He treats me better than anyone ever has. And I WILL NOT let that go! I WILL NOT let the thief steal my life from me.
Thief, if you're reading this...I'll be friendly to you in public. I won't talk about you, think about you, or have anything to do with you in private. But if you are reading this...never try to speak to me again. I want nothing to do with you.
Phew...
Now that that's off my chest. Until later.
Yours always.
It was an interesting weekend.
Friday night, Meg came in from Shreveport. We did a little drinking, went to sundown, and then we decided to go meet up with a friend from Monroe at a gay bar. And yes, there was a drag show at the bar. Our friend had left by the time we got there so we just stayed and enjoyed the queens. My neighbor and a few other Ruston people came to the bar and we closed it down. Fun night.
Saturday, Mom and I went shopping. I got the most adorable pair of boots. I can't wait until Christmas to get them! Oh...but Saturday he texted me. And we, as he put it, "thumb chatted"
I don't understand how someone can hurt you so badly and screw your over so soundly and then have the gall to try to talk to you like nothing ever happened. I am happy now. I have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. I've got a decent job. I'm not abusing any substances. I've got a good relationship with my family. I've got goals, aspirations even! I really don't get it.
It was somewhat ironic, because the night before I was lying in bed trying to remember his phone number.I tried and tried and tried and I just couldn't recall his dialing digits. I was so thrilled that I honestly couldn't remember it. It felt like the last parts of me that were clinging to the idea of him had finally let go. They finally died.
But no, of course the next morning I wake up to a text message from a number that looked ironically familiar. Of course, after I inquired as to who it was...it was indeed the thief.
And being the non-confrontational human I am, I small-talked. Told him that I was great (which I am) and that my relationship is wonderful (which it is).
Katie and I went to sundown and I met her latest boy-toy. He was alright...not a winner but ok.
I ended up at a friend's house later and lo and behold who was riding up on his bike right as I pulled in the driveway...him. The thumb-chatter. The thief.
So of course, we had to small talk some more. And of course, he kept pretending that nothing had ever happened.
Have you ever wished that someone would just disappear? Not die, just never be seen or thought of again. I wish that aliens would abduct him. Or that he would move ten-thousand miles away and not tell me. I just wish that he would hide in a hole and never try to talk or think of me again. I don't want him. He disgusts me. When you love someone for so long and they hurt you over and over again, one day you just have to say enough is enough. You have to say that you're tired of being used. Tired of being abused. I endured years of his abuse and I won't do it any longer. I'm in the best place in my life that I have ever been and it's only getting better. Every day with Casey I fall deeper and deeper in love with him. He is the greatest man I have ever known. He treats me better than anyone ever has. And I WILL NOT let that go! I WILL NOT let the thief steal my life from me.
Thief, if you're reading this...I'll be friendly to you in public. I won't talk about you, think about you, or have anything to do with you in private. But if you are reading this...never try to speak to me again. I want nothing to do with you.
Phew...
Now that that's off my chest. Until later.
Yours always.
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